Under the Christmas Tree
by kitkat681
Summary: The tree covered in lights.  My best friend, my greatest desire...if he only knew.  A holiday O/S to spice up your Yule. Slash Carlisle/Edward. Mature ratings.  A wee bit of heartfail to make things interesting.  Featured on the Southern Fanfiction Review
1. Chapter 1

**So I was honored to have this little smutty holiday O/S featured on the Southern Fan Fiction Review's Tantalizing Tuesday.**

**Slashy/angsty/Christmasy fun ahead...**

**Enjoy!**

I've loved him for as long as I can remember.

He was always the one for me.

Even as I watched him bring home girl after girl…

And had to listen to his talk of how good they smelled and felt and tasted.

And every time a little more of me died….

He was still mine.

He just didn't know it.

*()*()*

"So anyone catch your eye yet?" He asked casually as we stomped through the snow towards the acres of Christmas trees.

It was our yearly ritual.

We picked out a tree for our apartment and cut it down ourselves.

But I could feel a finality to this trip.

Maybe it was the woman he had left sleeping in his bed at home.

Or the way I saw more and more of her things invading our apartment.

But something was about to change.

And it scared me to death.

"No." I sighed.

I was tired of him trying to set me up.

He was so blind to what was right in front of him.

I stopped and stood next to a massive Balsam Fir.

I loved the way it smelled.

Like him.

It was earthy and real and mysterious.

"What about this one?" I asked as I hitched the saw up over my shoulder and he laughed.

"You look like a lumberjack."

I looked down at my worn leather boots and my threadbare jeans.

I admit I wore the plaid shirt and gray wife beater on purpose.

I wanted to catch his eye.

I wanted him to see me.

"Yeah." I shrugged as he made his way around the tree.

He was wearing brand new black boots with tighter than normal dark wash jeans and a black leather jacket.

But it was the bright red knit beanie on his head that made me swoon.

He turned his blue eyes to me and nodded and I flopped down on the cold ground and started to drag the saw's teeth back and forth along the trunk.

I could see his feet under the branches, supporting the tree as I felled it.

We worked together so well.

If only…

*()*()*

"Well shit Edward…I think this is the best one ever." He laughed as I finished tightening the last of the tree stand's screws.

I stood up next to him and looked at it.

It was perfect.

"Carlisle? Are we going out tonight?" I heard Esme call from the vicinity of his bedroom.

I felt ridiculous as my eyes stung with tears.

Our time was up.

He was hers again.

I felt like a needy child begging his parent for more time…

Just a little more time.

"Sure Es, I just need to shower." He yelled down the hall before he leaned over and elbowed me, leaning close as he whispered in my ear.

"I'm asking Esme to marry me tonight."

Oh my God…

I bit the inside of my cheek and turned to look at him.

His smile fell as he no doubt saw the absolute agony on my face.

He didn't know.

He had no idea.

"Edward?" He breathed but before he could say anything else that would shatter my already broken heart I turned and ran.

*()*()*

I walked around the busy mall, happy shoppers milling around as they bought gifts for loved ones.

It was a welcome distraction from the pain that had settled in the middle of my chest.

I would have to move.

There was no way I could stay there with them.

It was hard enough now, listening to them going at it in their room…

Or the shower…

Or that one time I walked in on them fucking in the kitchen.

I won't lie and say I didn't enjoy that one…

But it was only because Carlisle had her bent over the table and was fucking her from behind.

I had watched from the doorway as his body thrust against her…

His muscles tightening…

His head thrown back…

His mouth open…

And I could just picture myself beneath him…

Him grinding against my ass with every thrust…

My needy cock rubbing against the cool wood of the table beneath me.

And he would lean down and bite my shoulder as he came deep inside my ass.

"Excuse me."

I was brought back to the crowds of the mall as a little brunette bumped into me and I automatically reached out to steady her.

"Sorry." I mumbled and she looked up at me with big brown eyes.

"Merry Christmas." She smiled as she turned and ran to catch up with her friends.

Yeah right…

Merry Christmas indeed.

*()*()*

I waited until the mall closed before I made my way back to the apartment.

The windows were dark and I didn't see Carlisle's car in the lot.

I unlocked the door and was surprised to see the lights from the Christmas tree making the hall glow.

I walked in and looked at the newly decorated tree.

I saw the ornaments Carlisle and I had collected over the years.

The stupid Doctor ones for him and the even more inane Accountant ones for me.

The ones made out of beer bottles.

The ones from our parents from when we were kids.

And it was then that I finally understood exactly I would be losing if I left.

And even if it killed me to watch them together…

There was no way I would be able to leave my friend.

"Edward?"

I spun around at the sound of his voice and saw him standing in the doorway in fleece sweats and no shirt.

Fuck.

I cringed as I turned back around to the tree.

"Did she say yes?" I rasped, unable to keep the hurt from creeping into my tone.

"I didn't ask her." He said, his voice getting closer as he walked across the room towards me.

He stood just behind me and didn't speak.

We stayed like that for what seemed like hours…

Just staring at the tree.

"What do you want from me?" He asked, breaking the silence.

I turned around and looked at him.

His eyes were red-rimmed and pained and I hated that I had caused that.

I wanted to reach to him but I knew I couldn't

He didn't belong to me.

"I'm sorry. You guys will be happy together and…I'll be here…like I always have been." I whispered.

"What do you want from me?" He repeated, coming closer and getting in my face.

I stumbled back, confused, as he stood in front of me.

"What?" I asked, unable to process much of anything with him standing so close to me.

"What the fuck do you want from me?" He screamed in my face and I didn't even have time to blink before his hands were in my hair and his lips were on mine.

The kiss was punishing.

It was brutal.

It was perfect.

I reached up and grabbed at his waist, feeling his hot skin beneath my fingertips.

He pulled away and buried his face in my throat as his hands fell from my hair to wrap around my neck.

"What the fuck is this Edward? I don't…I never knew…how did you hide this from me. We've been friends for six years." He whispered, his breath hot puffs against my skin.

I shook my head because what am I supposed to say?

That I loved him from the moment I saw him walk into that Biology lab?

That his every innocent touch or word fueled my obsession.

That all I wanted was to be with him?

Fuck no…

That would ruin everything.

So instead I took a step back and then another until his arms fell from my body.

And then I looked at him, making sure that those secret desires were wrapped up like the presents under the Christmas tree.

"I just wanted you to know…how much I love you." I whispered as I dropped my eyes from his and turned to go.

I didn't even make it three steps.

"I broke it off with Esme." He sputtered and I looked back over my shoulder.

"I thought you were going to ask her to marry you?" I breathed, unable to get my hopes up about what that might mean…

For us.

"I couldn't…she couldn't understand why I was upset tonight. And then when I told her about your face…" His voice cracked and he swiped his hand across his eyes and then tangled his fingers in his hair.

"When I told her how you reacted she laughed. She laughed right in my face and asked how I could have been so blind."

"What?" I choked out.

"She knew Edward. She said she had seen it between us from the first day she saw us together." He explained as he slowly closed the distance between us.

"And then she asked me when I was going to figure out that I was in love with you too."

I sucked in a breath and tried to comprehend what he was saying.

"And was she right?" I rasped, my hands clenched into fists at my sides.

"Fuck Edward…I'm pretty sure she was." He whispered and that was all I needed to hear.

I reached for him at the same time he moved towards me and we tangled together.

His lips were soft and pliant under mine, and I welcomed the cushion as I lapped at his tongue.

He tasted so good.

I moaned as he slid his hands up under my shirt and his blunt nails scratched at my skin.

Fuck.

My teeth bit and nipped across his jaw and I dropped to my knees and feasted on the skin of his abdomen.

His hands wrapped in the back of my shirt and he pulled it up and off.

I looked up at him as I trailed my hands around his sides and into the top of his sweats.

He swallowed hard and I watched his Adam's apple bob before he nodded.

I didn't hesitate.

I slipped his pants and boxers down his legs and then sat back on my knees to appreciate the sight before me.

I had seen him before of course, in locker rooms or the few times we've past each other in the hall after a shower, but I'd never seen him hard.

And fuck was he hard.

His cock throbbed and moved as I looked at it and I couldn't help but lick my lips at the thought of tasting him.

"Fuck Edward." He sighed and I looked up at him as I reached forward, gripping his shaft firmly in my hand.

"Oh shit!" He snarled as I started to stroke him.

I leaned in and ran the tip of my tongue through his slit, tasting the salt and bitter that was just him.

"Stop!" He yelled, pulling away and kneeling before me.

He shoved his tongue into my mouth as he unbuttoned my fly and shoved my jeans down.

He looked down, putting his forehead against my chin and I felt him tremble as he looked at me.

"I don't know what I'm doing here." He gasped and I yanked on his hair so he was facing me.

"And you think I do?" I breathed and watched his eyebrows disappear into his hair.

"You've never…" He asked and I shook my head.

"Not even with a woman?"

"No Carlisle, now shut up and fuck me." I demanded.

I stood and reached for him, sighing when he took my hand without hesitation.

I had him sit on the couch, facing the Christmas tree as I ran into my bedroom to get the things I needed.

I knew this would be quick.

We were both so keyed up and excited.

But next time…

And the time after that…

And was I even dreaming that this could possibly last?

I couldn't help but stop and stare when I got back in the living room and saw him lying there.

The dips and ridges of his body were highlighted by the lights on the tree.

His blond hair looked white and his blue eyes flashed.

I set the lube and condoms down on the table next to the couch and crawled up over him.

"What do you want?" I asked as I ran my tongue around the shell of his ear.

"I…I don't…" He stammered and I looked down at him.

His cheeks were flushed adorably and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"Carlisle…baby…do you want me to fuck you. Or do you want to fuck me?"

His eyes flashed to mine and I could feel the shiver snake through him.

He looked at my lips and licked his own before he met my eyes again.

"I want to fuck you." He growled and I thought I might cum right there.

"God yes." I moaned as I rolled us over on the plush couch and got under him.

I reached for the lube and tossed the condom on my belly so it would be ready when we needed it.

While I hadn't had sex before I did have my trust dildo, although it was much smaller than what Carlisle was packing.

I flipped up the top of the lube and grabbed his hand, squirting some of the thick liquid on his fingers.

He cupped his hand and trailed his knuckles down over my belly and then my cock before he moved under my balls and started stroking my hole.

"Fuck me…" I moaned as he used first two and then three fingers to stretch me out.

"I will Edward…don't worry." He smirked as he grazed my prostate and my eyes rolled back in my head and I moan like a porn star.

"Its handy having a lover who's a doctor huh? I know all the secrets." He chuckled as he pulled his fingers from me and reached for the condom.

I covered his latex-encased cock in lube and then spread my legs wide over his hips.

His hand was on my thigh as he lined himself up and looked at me.

"Fuck, I love you Carlisle." I sighed as he slowly pushed his way inside me.

"Edward…" He moaned as my ass swallowed his cock.

It took some time and more lube, but he finally made it all the way in.

He came down on his elbows, holding my head in his palms as he eased his way out and back in.

His lips passed gently over my cheeks and nose as we came together again and again.

My cock slipped and slide easily between us and it wasn't long before I was covering us both in my cum.

I turned my head and stared at the lights of the Christmas tree as Carlisle whispered in my ear.

"I love you Edward."

He thrust twice more before he came too and collapsed against me.

I wrapped my arms and legs around him on the couch, grabbing a blanket and covering us up.

His head was nestled on my shoulder as we just lay there in each others arms.

"This was the best Christmas gift ever." I whispered and felt him shake with laughter.

"Well that kind of sets the bar pretty high for me next year." He smiled as he raised his head and kissed me.

"Well as long as you're with me, I could care less what's under the Christmas tree."

**Say it with me now...**

**AWWWW...**

**I was going to put this in my birthday section but I didn't think Baby Jesus would appreciate it...**

**Maybe we will see these two for the next holiday? You never know. I kinda like writing slash now...**

**Thank you Sandy for featuring me on the blog...make sure you go and send her some love...**

**southernfanfictionreview . com**


	2. Chapter 2

**So...I'm in the tub and I get a text from the one...the only...Shell Shock, telling me I should really continue 'Under the Christmas Tree' cause she has a sad since Kristen went and did her director. She isn't feeling the B/E stuff and wanted something else. So I said...I just so happen to have another chapter of that that I donated to...one of the million things I donate chapters to...  
><strong>

**So here ya go...  
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**Tissue warning.  
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**Thanks to Edward's Eternal for her amazing beta work and theonlykyla for pre-reading for me.  
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**ENJOY!**

* * *

><p><strong>UNDER THE MAPLE TREE<br>**

My life is perfect.

My life is amazing and wonderful and better than I could have ever imagined.

Until one night in September.

Carlisle and I had been working opposite scheduled for the last week and were in desperate need to reconnect.

And reconnect we did.

In the living room.

On the kitchen counter.

And finally in the shower.

I pressed him up against the cold tile wall and covered him in rich suds as the hot water cascaded around us.

My cock was hard against the swell of his ass and I could feel him pressing back against me.

Eager.

"Do you want this?" I snarled as I urged just the tip of my cock between his ass cheeks.

He moaned loud and long and nodded his head, the wet strands of blond covering his eyes.

"You need to say it if you want it," I whispered as I reached around and grabbed his cock, loving the way his body shook.

"I want you…to fuck me," he whimpered as I tightened my grip.

"You wanna get fucked? By my hard cock?" I teased and felt him swell in my hand.

I had to be careful or we would both be done before it even started.

I leaned past him and turned the water off, the echoing sounds of the drops hitting the tile floor almost as loud as our panting breaths.

He turned in my arms and pressed his lips to mine, our cocks bumping and rubbing against each other.

It was always so good.

Even those first few awkward times we were together.

I always knew it could be like this.

We were so in tuned to each other.

He knew when I needed it soft and I knew when he needed to be fucked.

And tonight he needed to be fucked.

By the time he was done fucking my mouth with his tongue we were almost dry.

I walked backwards through the bathroom, dragging him along and used a towel to catch the lingering drops of water on his skin.

I would have rather used my tongue.

He watched me with aroused but nervous eyes as I pulled the condoms and lube from the nightstand with my free hand, tugging him towards the bed with the other.

As new as this was to him, it was just the same for me.

I had never been inside anyone before.

And I was worried I would come the second I got inside his virgin ass.

"I want to fuck your face," I whispered as I pulled him towards the bed.

I lay back against the pillows and encouraged him to get up on top of me.

His eyes were on my cock and then his hands were too.

I moaned when my tip slid past those soft, soft lips.

He was so good at sucking cock.

My little cocksucker.

I wondered if he had been this good at eating pussy but if I thought about that too long I would lose my wood, so I pushed that aside and concentrated on him.

We had played around with dildos before, but I knew it would take some work to get him loose enough for me.

So while he was busy with my dick in his mouth I shifted so my head was between his spread thighs.

He smelled like the soap we used and…

Well…

Balls.

I nuzzled my face into that sensitive spot right behind his nuts and let my tongue lap at his textured sac.

He moaned around my shaft and I nearly blew my load right there.

I took a deep breath of Carlisle-scented air before I trailed my tongue over the subtle ridge of his sac and towards his crack.

I could feel him trembling above me as I got closer.

The fine blond hairs on his skin tickled my face as I parted his cheeks and ran my nose up and over his pucker.

"Edward?" he gasped as my tongue darted out to taste and probe and savor.

His teeth scraped along my cock as I delved deeper.

I wasn't gonna last.

Just as I spilled down his throat I shoved two fingers deep inside him, stretching.

He hummed around me as his ass clenched against the intrusion.

I pushed him off me and he flopped down on the bed.

His cock was hard against his abdomen, the tip nearly touching his belly button.

Just as I leaned over him to take him in my mouth his phone rang.

I looked up at him, cocking my head to the side.

"I'm not on call," he rasped as he reached up and grabbed at my hair, urging me down.

The house phone rang next and I cursed as I waited for the stupid disembodied voice to announce who was calling.

And we both went dead still as we heard the name.

"Platt, Esme."

Carlisle pushed me off him as he reached over to the nightstand to answer it.

"Esme?" he rasped, and I watched as the blood drained from his face…

And his cock.

He looked over at me and I realized that this must be what it felt like to have everything you ever wanted ripped away.

"I'll be right there," he said as he hung up and jumped off the bed, frantically searching for clothes.

I just sat there.

What else was I supposed to do?

The man I loved…the man I had pined after for years and only had as mine for a few months was leaving.

He spun around and looked at me.

"Are you coming?" he cried, his usual unflappably calm demeanor shattered.

"Where?" I sighed; unable to fathom why he wanted me to come along to his reunion with Esme.

I knew it was only a matter of time.

He had been stalling when I asked when he was going to come out at work.

They all knew I was gay at the firm but no one at the hospital knew he was…

Yet.

But every time I asked, he would tell me it wasn't a good time.

And every time I tried to hide my disappointment.

"Esme's in labor," he said as he ran his hand through his hair.

And I could only look at him.

"It's _my_ baby," he shouted and I recoiled.

It's over.

*()*()*

Even though it killed me, I went with him.

He was too upset to drive so I loaded him into my car and watched as he fidgeted nervously in the seat next to me.

The ride was silent.

I hated every second.

What would it feel like when I watched him walk away from me and towards her?

Would the pain be sharp, like a knife in my chest?

Or would it be dull, like a slowly festering wound?

Whatever it was…I knew I would probably never get over it.

*()*()*

Carlisle knew the hospital like the back of his hand so it only took a second before we were loaded in an elevator and on our way to labor and delivery.

He asked her room number at the desk and she directed him down the hall.

"Who are you?" the nurse questioned while he signed in on the visitor's sheet.

"I'm the father."

"And you?" she asked, as I watched Carlisle run down the hall to her room.

"I'm no one."

*()*()*

I couldn't leave.

As much as I wanted to, I knew I needed to be there for Carlisle.

So I sat in the waiting room, facing the nursery. and watched the babies wiggle around in their clear bassinets.

Would he want me to move out?

There was no way I could stay and watch them now…

Not after I had a taste of what perfection could be like with him.

I would have to leave the city.

I couldn't risk running into them.

I dropped my head and tried to keep my tears at bay.

"Edward?"

I hated myself even as I responded to his voice.

He looked exhausted.

His hair was wild around his head and his shirt was rumpled.

But the smile on his face was unlike anything I had ever seen before.

He was absolutely radiant.

"It's a girl!" he whispered as he turned around and pointed to a bassinet that was just being wheeled into the nursery.

Even from here I could see the resemblance.

Her hair, the little bit that peeked out from under her pink cap, was wavy and blonde.

Her nose was his but I could see Esme in the shape of her eyes.

"She's beautiful," I rasped as I stood and walked over to the glass.

I wanted to hate her.

She was breaking my heart.

But I couldn't.

She was a piece of the man I loved.

*()*()*

We stood there as they gave her a bath and changed her into a sweet little white t-shirt and a pink striped hat.

I could feel myself slowly cracking.

Like a sheet of ice, the splintering was making its way through me.

Soon I would be nothing but pieces…

Broken pieces.

And I didn't want him to see me shatter.

"I'm gonna go," I whispered, and he turned to me.

I'm sure he could have seen it if he was looking at me…

But he wasn't really looking at me.

"Yeah, can you get a crib and diapers, oh and bottles and clothes. Shit just buy out the entire baby section will ya?" he laughed as he pulled me in for a hug.

I choked back a sob as I felt his arms around me.

So now I was their errand boy?

I nodded and pulled away, keeping my head down as I walked down the hall.

I didn't look back.

*()*()*

I made sure to get only the best.

A beautiful mahogany crib.

Matching rocker and changing table.

A diaper pail and diapers.

Bottles and pacifiers.

And clothes.

The clothes were the hardest.

I had never been very paternal.

Never felt the need to hold or snuggle or raise a child.

But seeing that little baby girl…

That piece of the man I loved…

I could think of nothing else.

I let my imagination go wild as I picked out dresses and little onsies that said things like…

'Daddy loves me'.

And I thought about pushing the stroller I bought down the street and watching as people cooed at our little girl.

But she wasn't mine.

And neither was he.

*()*()*

I had the guest room all cleared out by the time the delivery truck pulled up.

Carlisle had been calling my phone all afternoon, but I couldn't answer it.

I couldn't listen to the truth.

While I struggled to put the crib together, I thought about my next move.

I would give two weeks notice at the office and move into a hotel while I looked for another job.

I couldn't stay here…

Not one more second.

*()*()*

I was in the middle of packing a bag when I heard the front door slam.

He went to our bedroom first…

But I wasn't in there.

And neither were my things.

That was the first place I packed.

I heard him call my name, but I knew he would find me eventually.

He stopped dead in the doorway of what had been my bedroom…

And then was a guest room…

And was now a nursery.

Everything was set up and ready for them to bring her home.

I even washed the little clothes in that special detergent that was safe for a baby's skin.

"What are you doing?" he gasped as he watched me fold another one of my shirts and toss it in the bag.

Some of my stuff was still in the closet and I wanted to get it out so there would be room for her things.

"I'm packing," I rasped, unable to speak much louder than a whisper.

The lump in my throat prevented it.

"What…where…why?" he stuttered as he slowly walked towards me.

"I can't stay here and watch you with her Carlisle. And I will hate you every day if you make me."

"Edward…what the fuck are you talking about?" he screamed as he reached out and grabbed hold of my arm.

"I can't do it! You were mine…and now you're hers and I can't…I won't survive it," I whispered as I let the tears fall.

All day I had been strong.

I didn't cry…

But now…

"Baby…no!" he cried as he pulled me into his arms.

His collar was wet as I wept.

"She doesn't want her," he whispered in my ear, and I froze.

"Who doesn't want who?" I croaked, pulling away so I could see his face.

"That was why I wanted you to get the house ready. Esme doesn't want the baby. She was going to just give her up for adoption but she decided that if _we_ wanted her, she would give her to us. She's ours."

The words rolled around in my head but I couldn't make sense of them.

"She's ours?" I breathed and he smiled and nodded his head.

"You're not leaving me?"

"Oh sweet Jesus…is that what you thought all day? Is that why you didn't answer any of my calls?"

I nodded as I watched his own tears start to fall.

"Edward…that would _never_ happen."

We stood there in our daughter's room and cried.

And when the tears were dry and my heart was together once more, we got in the car and drove to the hospital…

So I could meet our daughter.

*()*()*

"She's warm enough right?" I asked for the third time as we walked around the park.

It was late September and we were on our first outing as a family.

I was still unable to believe that this wasn't just a dream.

It was too easy.

Esme signed over the papers and made her ours and we brought her home.

She's the most perfect baby in the world.

She sleeps and she eats and she coos.

Our little Bella.

She has my heart in her hand.

We both took some time off from work to figure things out.

We didn't want to raise her in the city…

So we needed to move.

We didn't want other people to raise her…

So one of us needed to quit.

And it only took us a second to decide I would be the stay-at-home dad.

And I loved every second of it.

Carlisle looked into leaving the hospital and getting a job with a small practice so he had more reliable hours.

Until then, we made due.

We stopped walking under the enormous canopy of a brilliant red maple tree.

He un-strapped her and we sat on the grass and just looked at her.

The sun streamed through the leaves and threw shadows across the ground, covering us in flickers of darkness and light.

And as I leaned against him and together we held our daughter, I realized that I once upon a time I thought I had the perfect life.

And I couldn't have been more wrong.

Because this…right here…is perfection.

**Sorry there wasn't more sex. Maybe next time.**

**MWAH!**


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